Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
