dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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