I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
