Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
