i jhust puked up my retainher.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How does it feel to date your dad?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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