Already got asked if we're dating
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just forgot I was standing up.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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