"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
