lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
