is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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