Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
