I am puke
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
