I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
