i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
