I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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