oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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