i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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