ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I want to fling myself into the sun
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Success! We fucked roommates!
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