No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
