the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
