Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
