he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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