the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
