It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
