the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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