just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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