You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
