Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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