You can't special order awesome
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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