Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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