I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
