do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
