it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
