I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i think i just lost a toe
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
