you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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