Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
