im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
