Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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