i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
