3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
