Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
