Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize