So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
