I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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