Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
