Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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