I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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