is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
