I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
