You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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