I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
