i just wanna soil my oats bro
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
