i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
