if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
