Me too!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
