Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
