So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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