im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
