Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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