My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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