Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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