youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
