i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
