i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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