Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
