How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
