next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
What a dumb baby whore.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
