Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
