we made out on top of his cat.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
