My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
