I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just found puke in my bra..
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
