I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
