He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
