id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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